My children never cease to amaze me but, on occasion, they will say or do something that thoroughly blows my mind. This week, it was the unveiling of The Self-Aware Child.

It was the evening of another long day, and sitting in the car on the way to a school event, I heard my son’s voice drift through from the back seat.

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“When can I have a mobile phone?” asked the 9 year old. And so it begins.

He has never before shown an interest in having a mobile phone, because he has never really shown an interest in being socially independent. But this is proving to be something of a watershed age. As our first-born enters his ‘tween’ years, difficult, uncharted territory lies ahead, with not a hint of a path in sight.

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Though I have had OCD since I was a child myself, it kicked into overdrive with the birth of my first child. OCD is characterised by intrusive, often disturbing thoughts, followed by compulsive impulses. The thoughts are obsessive and often centre around intense worry of perceived harm or threat to self or loved ones. The compulsive impulses constitute an action in attempt to fend off or avoid that harm or threat. All of it is irrational, but automatic.

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It’s that time again – the end of the academic year. For a naturally anxious child, it is a difficult thing to deal with, as the prospect of leaving his comfort zone and changing to a new class looms large.

Though my eight year old son has been managing his growing anxiety well as the end of term approached, the wheels most certainly came off that particular cart as we left school on the final day. Exhausted and emotional, he became surly and hyper-sensitive, picking fights wherever possible.

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School’s out for summer, and while that means lots of opportunities for fun, adventures, and most importantly, quality family time, it also means a peak in financial concerns for many families.

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Our cat died. He was quite old, and had been unwell for some time, so it was expected. We did not hide this inevitability from our two children – aged five and eight – so they were not shocked when we broke the news to them.

They reacted in very different ways. Our five year old – an outgoing, lively sort of chap – seemed to take it very much in his stride. He drew a picture to go with the cat when we buried him, and helped to decorate a plaque to mark the spot. He was a bit quiet and reflective, but seemed to be quite philosophical about the whole thing. Our eight year old – an anxious worrier – was very upset indeed. There were lots of tears, questions and deep, deep sadness.

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It was Father’s Day, and after all the fun and frolics were over and the children were tucked up in bed, I decided to encourage my husband to express his feelings about fatherhood. I posed a question.

“What was the thing you struggled with most as a new Dad?”

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We have always made reading with our children a priority. Our attitude is that, if you can read, you can do anything. The world becomes one enormous, lifelong adventure. Your options are limitless.

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We all want our children to have a healthy and positive level of self-esteem, but where does that  actually come from? The most fundamental part of my parenting strategy is to provide a sense of security for my children – where they can be themselves and feel accepted. To that end, I make sure I tell them two things every day – that I love them, and I am proud of them. But, over time, I came to realise that this does not go far enough.

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In our house, there is one fundamental rule that never changes and is non-negotiable – honesty. I have always made clear to my children that, whatever they have done or whatever problem they have, as long as they are honest about it, we can figure it out together. If they’re not honest, I can’t help them. Simple as that.

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My 8 year old is generally an anxious child, which we manage through basic mindful strategies. Over the years he has experienced phases of very specific anxieties and phobias (darkness, certain foods, being alone in a room, etc), but these have always been self-limiting and have ultimately passed. However, as these phases have passed, one specific phobia has always remained – claustrophobia.

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Every parent has been there. It’s a busy day, you’re desperate for groceries of one kind or another, and you have to go the supermarket. The kids have to go with you. It’s not ideal – they’re good kids, but you know they’ll get bored and you’ll end up forgetting something important in your haste to get in and out quickly, but they need milk for their cereal, or bread for their packed lunch. There’s no way around it.

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I am 100% certain that I am not the only parent in the world that seems to be constantly asking their children to do things. Put the laundry in the basket, take the plate out into the kitchen, put the rubbish in the bin, put the books back on the shelves, hang the coat on the hook.

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The biggest, most beneficial realisation I have had in parenthood has been about the passage of time. Seems pretty obvious, doesn’t it? There’s time, and it passes. But it feels different when you are a parent, and the realisation and use of it can greatly help your relationship with your child, and your wider family.

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While we studiously protect our children from horror movies, violent video games and scary TV, the most terrifying horror show of all permeates our lives, 24 hours a day – world news. War, oppression, terrorism, murder, violence – the list goes on.

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