Can 20 Minutes Change Your Child’s Life?
A couple of years ago I attended a professional conference in which John M. Gottman, Ph.D. was the presenter. Dr. Gottman is an internationally acclaimed, research based psychologist, not to mention popular author on the subject of significant relationships. In the conference he presented these startling statistics…
- Unhappy marriages can increase you chances of getting sick by 35%
- Unhappy marriages can shorten your life by 4 years
- Happily married people live longer
- Happily married people have lower incidences of high blood pressure, heart disease and a host of psychological ailments such as depression, anxiety, suicide, and substance abuse
- A good marriage may also keep you healthier by directly impacting your immune system, which fights off diseases like cancer and autoimmune disease. There are early findings showing that not only are immune systems healthier, but they get an added boost
- White blood cells are higher in happy marriages
- If fitness buffs spent 20 minutes a day working on their immune systems visa vi focusing on their relationships (in a positive way) they would get three times the health benefit of climbing the stair master
I am particularly impressed with the last three bullet points which show the possible correlation between healthy marriages and physical health. As my mind explodes over these findings, it wanders off into multiple paths, but gets stuck on thinking about the implications of this as it it relates to parenting. What would happen if we spent 20 minutes a day focusing in a positive way on our relationships with our children? I am curious to hear your thoughts and begin a discussion on a topic that in my belief has the potential of moving mountains. Ok, I know that might be a little strong, but really it could…couldn’t it? Press the comment button and leave your thoughts.
Shine on 
Barbara Scoville, LCSW
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About The Author
barbsc
Barbara Scoville is the mother of seven, and a licensed clinical social worker practicing psychotherapy in Salt Lake City, Utah. She believes taking care of ourselves is a pre-requisite to taking care of others and spends a lot of time, both on the clock and off, teaching people how to do just that. Combining Eastern and Western philosophy, she teaches life mastery skills, in addition to highlighting both people from history and current day who inspire us to be the best we can be.
From experience, I know just a moment can harm a relationship with a child for a long time. They remember everything. So, 20 minutes is a lot. Take those 20 minutes and times that by 7 days a week and you have 140 times to improve your relationship. Take those 140 minutes and times them by 52 weeks in a year. You will have 7,280 moments with your child working on that relationship, making it better. You typically have your child for 18 years, so take those 18 years and times them by 7,280…131,040 minutes. That is just by taking 20 minutes a day. Just think how much healthier your relationship with your kids could be.
I wish I had thought about this 16 years ago. It’s not too late to start though.
Good point Allison. An added benefit of spending 20 minutes loving your spouse is it’s impact on your children. That’s what I call synergy
Wow! That’s incredible!! I have no doubt that I’m healthier with a happy marriage. What isn’t mentioned, but I think is so vital, and often missed by moms especially, is that 20 minutes (or more) focusing on loving your spouse is good for your children. A happy marriage makes a happy family. Kids learn so much by example, and if they can see how much love, respect and happiness is expressed between their parents (or stepparents) then they will feel secure and loved as well and be better able to express love to others. Let’s not forget Dr. Gottman’s point– happy marriages. The rest will follow.