I want my kids to be happy.

I hope that they grow up and do work that they enjoy, feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, have friends who make them feel good about life and themselves. I want them to learn and grow and discover new things every day. I want them to feel successful, satisfied and content. I want to teach them that they alone are the deciding factor in whether any of that happens.

Happiness is a choice that each person must make. I cannot make my kids happy–they choose that for themselves.

It is not our responsibility as parents to make our kids happy. What we need to do instead is help our children gain a realistic view of the world, to look for the good in who and what are around us. We need to give them the strength to stand up for themselves and make changes when life isn’t what they want it to be. We must give them the skills to set themselves up for happiness.

Parents need to teach their children how to see the good in the world–even in difficult times, how to find what is right and to appreciate life in big and small ways. I’ve seen people all over the world who are happy with a lot less than many of us because they choose that mindset. A grateful frame of mind focused on what they do have, not what is lacking.

Allowing our children to experience a wide variety of emotions will actually help them to be happy. Letting our kids fail and feel the burn of not having or doing what they want will help them gain a clearer vision of where they’d like to be. It will also help them to appreciate their successes more. It’s important for them to experience the contrast of feelings and to learn ways to cope and bounce back from disappointment. Teaching our children skills to be aware of and manage their feelings will help them learn how to find happiness.

We can model for our children what choosing happiness is. It doesn’t mean that we need to be happy all the time. Instead, when times are tough and we are faced with challenges, sort through them, do what needs to be done. Share frustrations and setbacks with our children (without exposing them to more than is appropriate). Then show them how we can put that behind us and move forward. We can look for a lesson or a way to bring good out of a difficult situation. How we can turn something negative into something positive as we choose happiness again.

I want my kids to choose to be happy.