It is quite common these days for both parents to relocate while selling the marital home.   A consequence is a clash with a commonly accepted belief that it is not good to move the children. Many therapists who have written about divorce argue in favor of minimizing change for the children.  But are all moves the same?

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The changes in the nature of marriage are a vital cause for the transition to co-parenting, and in the past thirty years we have seen a shift in the way most couples divide parenting responsibilities.  More middle class couples feel both parents should have approximately equal parenting time with the kids. Let’s take a look at why this is happening and what it means for you.

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It’s not unusual for children to experience anxiety, anger, or sadness in the first two years after their parents’ divorce. Most will go on to thrive, but some (about 25%) are at risk for serious long-term problems. Successful parenting after divorce—along the lines of the suggestions listed here—increases children’s chances of finding long-term happiness and fulfilling relationships as adults.

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Many divorcing parents worry that their different parenting styles will confuse their children when they encounter different rules in each household. Different views of diet, discipline, bedtimes, homework, risky play, church attendance and choice of friends are but a few of the issues over which newly divorced parents struggle with each other.

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Co-parenting with an ex is a relationship, and just like any other relationship it takes work, but it is work that is valuable and necessary – because it impacts the thing you both love the most in the world, your child(ren).

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How do you choose your friends?  Is there a list that must be ticked before you open your arms?  Do they need to earn your trust first?

Like everything, choosing friends as adults is much more complicated than when we were children.  However, it is when we are kids that friendship defined our social circles, our level of belonging and our status.  Not surprisingly then, some of the most intense lessons learned in our past came from our friendships.

This is a story of my daughter and her first life lesson in friendship.

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Scheduling children moving back and forth between parents’ homes in the event of divorce and co-parenting, often works around parents’ schedules and custody arrangements.  But moving children back and forth like “peas in a pod” can frequently produce unanticipated problems for some children and create intense sibling rivalry.

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My story begins with a fairly rocky journey to become a single mom.   It was a year that I discovered strength and courage that I never knew I had.

Eight years ago I was meditating in a Buddhist monastery in southern Nepal when I received the unexpected news that I was pregnant. Unexpected for so many reasons, the first reason being: that I didn’t even have a boyfriend!

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Adjusting to life in two different homes can raise multiple challenges that parents’ never foresee.  Single parenting and co-parenting is chock full of issues you may never see coming.  One of those is managing homework.

Here is a scene frequently observed in my mediation practice:

She says, “I don’t mind if he sees the children on weekends but I want them at home on school nights.”

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Are you guilt parenting? We love our children, and we want the best for them, but we are going to make mistakes. No matter how hard we try, we are not going to get it perfect.

Out of all the mistakes that we make, guilt parenting is one of the most common. When we guilt parent we compromise our parenting standards because we feel like we have let our children down in some way. The guilt we feel often leads us to either not hold our children accountable for their actions or overindulge them with material objects.

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This month has been rough and it is only six days old.  Actually, I think some of the frustration that I felt yesterday was residual frustration from the last two weeks.  When I taught 3^rd grade, I always told my students to keep their eyes focused on what was in front of them and not behind them.  “Use the windshield, not the rearview mirror” I said.  “Trust yourself.  Just because someone else finishes first doesn’t mean they got it right.” I use to tell them –if only I could live by this advice.

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I saw a picture on Facebook that said “Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.” Yep!

There is no doubt that parenting is hard work. Being a single parent is doubly so.

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When a relationship comes to an end, whether with a whimper or a bang, it hurts. When you have children, it isn’t only your feelings that are involved. How you go about telling your children you’re getting a divorce will set the stage for how things unfold in the long run.

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