Our family is an adoptive family where mom and dad are white, but also includes a Latino son, a Korean-American daughter and four African-American children many of whom also have a variety of disabilities. We celebrate diversity in our family.

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Many years ago I went to a parenting conference and in one of the workshops the main speaker told us to “catch” or notice when our children are doing something good and praise them for it.

I generally prefer praising children for positive character traits, rather than actual achievements, although that too is important.

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Many years ago I went to a parenting conference and in one of the workshops the main speaker discussed raising kids with high self esteem and told us one way to encourage that was to “catch” or notice when they doing something good and praising kids for it. She also said as parents to talk about it later, when they think you don’t know they’re listening, bragging about how caring or helpful they are. I would add that I also like to talk about some positive character traits they showed to other adults when they are nearby to hear me brag them up.

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Often with my special needs children I put limits on what I can expect from them and often they surprise me. Special needs children have enough limitations without we as parents adding to what we think they won’t be able to accomplish. What they need is our encouragement to try new things or situations and if it doesn’t work, well, give it some time and try again. If we don’t we may miss some great times with our family.

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I’m certainly no expert on pets, but our family has had their fair share of creatures in our family. This summer we added three more kids to our family, of the goat variety. Pets can be a great tool to teach responsibility to kids, provide companionship as well as be a comfort during difficult times.

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Star of the week, Family Trees, Charting Genetic Traits and Baby Pictures are all difficult school assignments for those adopted kids, or those who are in foster care. Children who were adopted at a later age may not have baby pictures. Children who are Star’s of the Week may not be comfortable answering the inevitable questions surrounding adoption, especially if the it is a transracial adoption.

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Recently an ad was released by Cheerios featuring an interracial family. Mom is white, Dad is black and daughter is bi-racial. Apparently a firestorm of negative and racist comments were made on Youtube and eventually the comment section had to be removed. Shameful and, sadly, a reminder that we are not living in the post-racial society that many would like to think we are.

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All of us as parents will face questions from our kids about why we do things differently from so and so’s parents. My response is always, “Different Families Different Rules”. I remind them that just because our rules are different doesn’t make us better it’s just what works for our family. Often this means as a parent we have to stand up to peer pressure of our own.

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If you’re at all in tune with the adoption community you’ve likely heard many a discussion on ethical adoption recently. Where there is big money involved corruption is just waiting around the corner.  

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A story like this, the story of three women kidnapped and held captive for many years is deeply disconcerting to everyone, especially when you are the parent of daughters. Finding a balance between teaching your girls to be careful and creating the feeling that they are never safe can be difficult. Purposely instilling fear into your children is like opening a door for a robber and allowing them to steal your child’s innocence. Childhood is a time for innocence and it has been shortened to a ridiculous amount already – I will not add to it by scaring my children with these fearful news stories.

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Mother’s Day is a much more complicated holiday than many might think. There are all kinds of mothers. Adoptive, biological, step, foster, homeless, crabby, exhausted, motherless, employed, mentally ill, working at home, young, old and mom’s whose children are missing or who have died. That is a whole lot of emotion wrapped up in one hallmark holiday. Sensitivity to those around you in a complicated state of motherhood is imperative.

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The key to a successful, but possibly stressful appointment with our daughter Shannon is calm parenting.  I often think since Shannie is non-verbal, she is more in tuned to our non-verbal cues.  Speaking calmly as well as relating peacefulness with our body cues help her stay calm as well.

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Parenting kids with special needs is filled with challenges. Some of those may include teaching daily living skills that typical kids pick up without much effort at all. Independent dressing, toileting, eating, showering etc. are skills that often require years and years of practice. Hand over hand over and over again.

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Boundaries. As a parent, setting boundaries is very important. When they’re little the boundaries tend to be ones for health and safety. As they age, the boundaries we set may be about curfews, or time spent on computers. One boundary that I think is equally important revolves around money and how much we allow them to spend and what they spend it on.

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When I was about 40 yrs. old I heard a speaker who had written a book about creating “margins” in your life. He was discussing how people’s lives were so full of “stuff” – job, family, committees, activites etc. – that people had absolutely no margin or room in their life for one extra thing.

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