My son told me he doesn’t smile at people because he doesn’t think he’s handsome. He told me he doesn’t like the way he looks and that if he could, he would change his face and body. Oh how those words hurt. See I’ve struggled for years with my body image. I know that the majority of adults out there can say the exact same thing.

I too recently watched the Dove video that went viral about the women’s two sketches one from their own descriptions and the second from someone who they’d just met describing them. The differences in the two sketches for some of the women were huge, and that’s sad. Not that I’m so much better than them in how I see myself. We are taught from a young age to strive to be other than what we are. We are taught by our consumerist culture that we need to purchase this, that, and the next thing to alter ourselves for our real, natural selves are inherently lacking. From a very young age we are blinded by the media’s message.

But I have tried for years to be so careful about not letting my kids hear me about my looks unless it’s positive because I don’t want them to feel the same way about themselves.

I even go so far as to say things like how I thing my eyes are lovely or other comments in front of them. And yet, somehow it didn’t work. I wasn’t able to make the cycle stop with my children. And I really wish I could have.

This isn’t the first time he’s said things about his looks, and each time I stop in my tracks and try desperately to force him to see the sheer beauty of him. But it doesn’t work and it scares me because as I said I struggled for years with my body image. I don’t want him to hurt in any way ever. To hate the very body that encases your soul, it’s hard and heartbreaking and leads to a lot of bad. I have not interacted with people because I’m self-conscious of my looks, I’ve not felt comfortable standing up for myself at times because of it, I’ve accepted treatment from others that I did not deserve because I didn’t feel like I deserved better with how I looked. While I know better now, and I see my self-worth it wasn’t always easy to get to that place and I don’t want him to have to struggle to do the same.

I want him to see the richness of his chestnut hair, the keen gleam of intelligence that shines from his starburst eyes, his full lips that smile in the most inviting way that I’ve not met someone who can resist smiling back regardless of their mood. I want him to see his high cheekbones that hint at his aristocratic ancestry, his soot black mile long lashes that fan out delicately upon the tops of his cheeks while his mind conjures wonder after wonder in his sleep.  The small scar on his forehead that will forever remind me of why I am adamant that none of my children are allowed to run in the house no matter what. His wide ribcage that hints at the strength he will have as grown man, his shoulders already a bit broad for his age that whisper of his future self. His evenly proportionate upper to lower body ratio, which will give him the perfect combination of strength from his core and extremities for dance movements where he transforms notes and melodies into a physical expression of art in motion.

I want him to see all of that, and yet I know that it is not always easy to get to a place of self-love, even self-liking can be a stretch with all of the messages we are constantly bombarded with about what we’re missing that would make us and by extension our lives oh so much better.

I worry how all of this will affect him as he grows. I want to find the magic words that will float through his auditory canals, and go straight to his sub-conscious and take up a permanent residence there always telling him that he is indeed fantastic just the way he is. That he does not need to take heed of the messages of the marketing masses.

They are simply the puppets for the “man behind the curtain” which of course is all of the companies that want to make money on the masses insecurities. It’s not easy, but I’ll continue to have open conversations with him about himself, his self-image, the media’s message, and as he gets older I’ll talk to him about my own struggles because sometimes knowing that your parent actually does know exactly what its like from direct experience can help them to open up even more and hopefully even see that the message that he’s not fantastic exactly as he is, is totally not true.