Successful children don’t just show up on graduation day. This past week we were honored when our son, a senior, received a prestigious and unexpected award.  As I’ve reflected on the journey of our oldest two children from childhood to college, I’ve learned many lessons in raising them from elementary school to graduation.   

As an educator, school counselor, and parent of two other school-age children, I’ve observed a few key principles for raising children to be successful adults.

• Giving a child the opportunity to serve others is important.  My son’s career choice as an educator for students with disabilities and my daughter’s choice of working with underprivileged and orphaned children happened because of significant experiences they had working with these populations during service opportunities.  They would have never been exposed to things they have learned are their life passion without these experiences.  Children need opportunities to interact with others in diverse situations where they are stretched.  They grow in wisdom and self-awareness by these opportunities.
• A child’s eyes are opened to the needs of others when they help others without a “reward.”  Compassion, empathy, and responsibility are intrinsic values that make children successful adults in society.  In a self-saturated world, children who do things for others develop character in their soul that cannot be manufactured or bought.
• Allowing a child to do their own work is important.  Children, like adults, learn from trial and error.  Making a task or homework assignment easier by doing part of it for a child robs them of learning the discipline of hard work, accomplishment, and failure.  Success doesn’t come with the “easy” button, but with hard work and a sense of accomplishment.
• Allowing a child to fail is important.   Though we live in an age of entitlement, failure touches a part of everyone’s experience.  Whether it’s through a sporting event, a test, a contest or a job, when children taste failure and defeat, they learn about real life and what it takes to make it in the real world.  One of the greatest lessons my son learned was the year he sat the bench as a varsity player.  Though it was hard, he developed strength, perseverance, and being happy for others. 
• Teaching a child to laugh at themselves and not take things too seriously is important.  The race to graduation and college can cause a family and student stress and anxiety.  One particular grade or game in high school will not make or break a student’s capabilities for future success.   Keeping perspective about the big-picture in life makes the disappointments easier to handle in the moment.   Most of us don’t sit around and talk about our college or high school GPA.  We get an education to have jobs we enjoy and to have the ability to earn a decent standard of living.  How we get there is as important as the accomplishment.  Be sure your child knows how to create healthy balance in their school years.

While it’s tempting to hover and helicopter around your child, they learn best by flying from their own strength.   It’s only then they can successfully soar to their destination.