What is the parental introject? The parental introject is the parent’s voice internalized.

The things that we say to our children today, will be the things that our children say to themselves for the rest of their lives. We must choose our words very carefully.

When we become angry and say things that we don’t mean, we cannot go back and erase those things from our child’s brain. They become part of our child’s neurological hard-wiring.

 

We must understand that we are our child’s most important role model. When they are young they believe what we say, whether we mean it or not. They are also very literal and are not able to analyze information that is presented to them. If you become frustrated and say, “How can you be so stupid!” your child not only hears that they are stupid, but will call themselves the same thing.

As parents, we also need to watch our body language. It speaks much louder than our words. When we smirk or roll our eyes at a child, he or she hears that they are stupid. By paying attention to our body language and our words, we can change the way in which a child perceives him or herself.

During my therapist training, I had a supervisor tell me that he had to give himself as many time-outs as he gave his children. He told me that when he asked his children to go into a different room, they listened to him every time. Both he and his children knew that everyone would benefit from dad’s time-out.

Discipline is most effective when we have given ourselves time to calm down. We must remember that the purpose of discipline is to teach to children a more effective way of behaving. When we discipline prior to calming ourselves down, we may negatively alter the wiring in their brain with consequences possibly lasting a life-time.

If you are a parent who recognizes a negative parental introject within you, there is good news. Studies have shown that our brain can be rewired, and we can change the messages that we have been telling ourselves for years. It takes hard work and a lot of practice, but it can be done. You may want to consider seeking the help of a professional to help you create healthy pathways in your brain. You are worth it! Your child is worth it!

To read more of Kristin’s articles go to letlifeinpractices.com

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