Why is my child so angry? If your child is chronically angry, there may be a lot of pain behind the anger. Unexpressed and unresolved grief has a way of reappearing in the form of chronic anger and fits of rage. Often times childhood depression is masked behind irritability, anger, and rage.

Many times angry children have experienced some type of loss- some obvious and others not so obvious. Experiencing any type of abuse whether it is emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical involves loss. Feeling invalidated or emotionally abandoned creates a feeling of being alone- which is a form of loss.

Some children have been known to grieve for several years after the birth of a sibling. They may love their brother or sister, but feel replaced in some way. Other forms of loss include witnessing domestic violence or living in a household with members who suffer from mental illness or addiction.

Many times children are taught to be “emotionally strong” and hide their feelings of sadness. I see this in my office when the “angry child” finally begins to cry and unload all of the pain that is at the root of their anger. A father may say, “Suck it up!” A mother may say, “If you don’t stop crying, I will give you something to cry about!” Many loving well-meaning parents don’t realize that the child’s sadness will not just “go away.” It will usually reappear as chronic anger.

Parents can help children learn to identify their emotions and talk about what is really going on. Children need a safe place to be able to express themselves. They need to be taught the words to do that. If your child suffers from outbursts of rage, we know you suffer too. It may be time to get some professional help- someone who is trained to get behind the anger.

It is never too late to grieve a loss. If we allow our children to grieve, they may become much happier and healthier. They may be better able to bounce back from future challenges that life will throw their way.

Also see my related post What is behind your child’s anger?