Shah Shahid

Being a father of 2 girls and living with women for most of his life, Shah attempts to share his manly thoughts on parenting, relationships and life in general.

daddy daughter 300x199 Dads Dont Discuss: Why Men Dont Talk About Parenting.Being a Blogger for over 2 years, it’s only recently that I started rambling about my experiences as a Father, in my own skewed way. After discovering, I jumped at the chance to share my incoherent rants with a broader, more parentally inclined audience. While trying to come up with a topic for my first post,

 I was beaten to the punch of being the (apparently) first male author on the site. I don’t mind being second, but something in that post introducing the 1st male contributor, spurred me on, and became the inspiration for this Article: how Dads that don’t like talking about their parenting experiences.

“I mean, when I created I visioned it as a site for parents, not for moms. Perhaps it’s because I share my life with a partner who is equally involved in our children’s life.

Then it striked me: I am constantly addressed by male bloggers who say they want to become PS contributors, and disappear.

DDB, the “daily disappearing bloggers” (you know who you are).”

I felt like I had to stand up for Daddy-kind everywhere and defend this label of the ‘DDB’. However, the more I tried to come up with a filibuster-like defense scene that would’ve put Jimmy Stewart to shame, the more I realized that there is none. It’s true; men don’t like sharing their parenting experiences. Men can rarely be found huddled together, strollers and baby bags in tow, discussing the most effective diaper rash cream, at local parks or coffee shops.

Now I myself am proud to be an involved father in my children’s lives. How much that involvement helps can only be determined post high school, but the point is I’m there. I proudly wear my infant strapped to my chest, and am unashamed of that pink face cloth that’s always hanging out of my back pocket, unbeknownst to me, in public.  But I admit that others may not be, and might not want to discuss Daddy behavior with others as freely.

Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that those men aren’t involved in their children’s lives, sharing in all the responsibilities and duties. I’ve often shared the friendly head nod with other Dads at the baby change station in a men’s room, or bitching with them about the lack of one. Frequently I’ve waited outside of change rooms at a children’s clothing store with other Dads, while holding other items for our way too mature toddler daughters to try on next. But apparently, most men just don’t like talking about these experiences.

Is it because the rearing of children has been a solely “women’s job” for generations? Is it because discussing our daily lives as an involved parent may emasculate us, or alienate us from our single and child-free friends? I doubt it, because I’d like to think that as a society we’ve grown beyond those types of gender specific roles into a more gender equal world. So that can’t be it.

But speaking of Society, as I touch upon an article on my Blog, could it be due to Society’s perception of what a ‘Father’ should be? Are Dad’s less than forthcoming regarding their involvement in their kids’ lives because, they feel obligated to play the role of the oblivious and stoic father figure that society throws upon them? Do Dads feel that knowing too much about wiping patterns (you know what I’m talking about) will somehow go against the grain of what they’re expected to do?

Maybe it’s just plain and simple insecurity? Knowing that as father, we can never have as strong a bond, or be as good a parent as women naturally are, so some men don’t even bother to discuss it. (A topic for another Article entirely) Quite possibly.

There’s also the theory that men just don’t like sharing or expressing themselves with others; some not even to their wives, much less the whole internet. While this theory may be the most valid, anyone that has seen Men go off about sports, movies , lawncare, or other ‘manly’ subjects, know just how passionate we can get. And what else has the ability to make us even more passionate in our lives than our children?

Regardless of the reason, sharing one’s experience as a Dad can only enhance our role in our children’s lives that much more. Reflecting upon, discussing and getting feedback on our parenting techniques and theories, can only serve to better us as fathers. Maybe blogging, posting, tweeting about our experiences as father, can break down this social convention and and make other men more comfortable in sharing their thoughts as well. Maybe one day, seeing a group of men at the park with baby bottle holsters, burping their kids and discussing the best disciplining techniques with other fathers won’t be anything worthy of note, but something very normal and typical.

A real man should boast of his child rearing techniques with as much vigor and unabashed pride as he does debating about who’s the best Linebacker or Shortstop. In a world with gender equality, it works both ways. If women can proudly claim to be able to do everything men can, then we men should be able to say the same about raising our children. Well almost everything. Obviously not counting that whole breast-feeding thing. That would just be awkward.

What do you think?

One Response to “Dads Don’t Discuss: Why Men Don’t Talk About Parenting.”

  1. 1st Article at – Why Dad’s Don’t Talk About Parenting. | Blank Page Beatdown Says:

    [...] about things involving relationship and parenting will now be featured on that site. Check out my 1st rant up now, discussing why fathers aren’t keen on talking about their parenting experiences. Take [...]

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